![]() Unfortunately, having a serious conversation, most people don’t add meaning to the shared pool – instead, they resort to something very unproductive: Sometimes we rely on hints, sarcasm, innuendo, and looks of disgust to make our points. How exactly can adding ideas increase a whole group’s ability to make better decisions? The thing is, when someone says something, their idea can lead to another one, and then to one more – and eventually, you can come up with an idea which no one originally thought of. When it comes to crucial conversations, the best thing to do is to add your meaning to the shared pool – in other words, ensure that all ideas are expressed and heard.Īdding to the shared pool of meaning has two benefits: firstly, it helps to gather more information and make a better choice secondly, when people withhold meaning from each other, they can make a huge mistake – and make it collectively, which means everyone will be held responsible. Naturally, the pools of meanings of two different people will not be the same. The authors call this combination of thoughts and feelings “a pool of meaning”. Mastering Crucial ConversationsĮach of us has our own opinions, feelings, and experiences. The good thing is that when you have to discuss something very important, you don’t have to choose between, for example, candor and career – because if you pick the right approach, you will not lose anything.Ĭhapter 2. Successful crucial conversations help maintain your immune system and even help with life-threatening diseases. People who honestly state their opinions about emotional issues tend to remain together those who don’t – break up. Discussing problems like safety, productivity, diversity, and quality with your colleagues, you can hold people accountable for the results. The authors mention three main areas they can help you improve: talking to a coworker who behaves offensivelyĬrucial conversations are not easy but they are definitely worth a try.So what are the topics of conversations that can be considered “crucial”? Can you think reasonably in this situation? Probably not. Your arms and legs get more blood (because these are organs responsible for running or hitting), while your brain gets less. Given their intensity, crucial conversations can definitely be taken for a threat.įor example, when someone says something you disagree with, your adrenal glands start producing adrenaline and pumping it into your bloodstream. The reason, say the authors, is that people are “designed wrong” – due to the evolutionary mechanism, our natural reaction to a threat is “fight, flight, or freeze”. Or even more, when we actually have them, we demonstrate our worst behavior. In each case, some element of your daily routine could be forever altered for better or worse.Īccording to the authors, the things that make crucial conversations different from routine ones, are as follows:Īn interesting paradox about crucial conversations is that while they can improve our life, people tend to avoid them. So why are they crucial? What makes each of these conversations crucial - and not simply challenging, frustrating, frightening, or annoying - is that the results could have a huge impact on the quality of your life. But in fact, these are day-to-day conversations that happen to everyone. The term “crucial conversations” may sound like something very official, something that only presidents and prime ministers have to deal with. What’s a Crucial Conversation? And Who Cares? How to Turn Crucial Conversations into Action and Results How to Listen When Others Blow Up or Clam Up How to Speak Persuasively, not Abrasively How to Stay in Dialogue When You're Angry, Scared, or Hurt How to Make It Safe to Talk about Almost Anything How to Stay Focused on What You Really Want Here you can read our “Crucial Conversations” summary and learn more about the principles of productive communication. Knowing how to talk to people, who are very emotional and sometimes illogical creatures, you can achieve more than you think. Human relationships are very complicated – it’s a tangled web of emotions, feelings, desires, and ambitions. Switzler is a useful self-help book which explains that the main ingredient of success (and power) is the right communication skills. “Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High” by K. Why does this happen? What is the secret of their charisma? Yet you can feel their strong power – and voluntarily recognize it. Even more, they may seem pretty ordinary at first. The most influential people are not magicians: they don’t hypnotize you, and definitely don’t use any spells.
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